North of the Great Lawn is without a doubt the greenest area in Central Park – the Pinetum, home to over 400 pine trees from 27 different species. If beautiful and majestic pines in all shapes, colors, and sizes are your fancy, then the Pinetum is a must see for you!
Park visitors are welcome to explore this wonderful place all year long. However, there are some rules that everyone is expected to follow when at the Pinetum:
1. When taking photos of one of the many species of pine trees, always shoot them from the left. That’s their good side.
2. Do not speak to the pines unless spoken to first, and always address each tree as either “sir” or “ma’am” depending on gender.
3. While touching the pine trees is not prohibited, visitors are encouraged to use only their hands when doing so.
4. If you encounter an aggressive or hostile pine tree, adopt a submissive pose, keep your head bowed and back away slowly while softly humming Greensleeves.
5. When picnicking at the Pinetum, please remember feeding the pines is strictly prohibited, no matter how much they beg. Okay, one cookie – but that’s it!
6. Please do not remove any pine needles from the Pinetum. They are individually catalogued and numbered for inventory purposes.
7. Removal of pine cones is also prohibited. Each one has a tracking chip implanted in it. We will find you and you will suffer for your horrible indiscretion.
8. Thinking of sitting under one of the tall pines on a warm afternoon while strumming an acoustic guitar and singing songs you wrote when you were in that band in college?
The pines hate that. So do the humans.