The Passive Aggressive Patch



Looking for something fun to do?

Of course you are. You’re all about having fun no matter what the cost.

Then how about heading over to the southern tip of the East Green, where the most beautiful patch of white daffodils in Central Park awaits you. Tourists and native New Yorkers flock to this area every summer to gaze upon this beautiful sea of flowers –  but hey, why do I have to tell you? This is probably something you already know since you know everything.

Think of how wonderful it would be to come to the park on a day when you’re not so busy with that low paying job you should have left years ago and relaxing on a bench with a friend you haven’t seen for the longest time because you never check your text messages. Oh that’s right, you can’t text at your job even though everyone does but you have to follow the rules of the office even though it hasn’t gotten you a promotion.

So whenever you get the chance be sure to see the beautiful white daffodils on the East Green. No rush of course. Come by when your busy schedule clears up.

And if you can’t make it this summer, don’t worry about it. They’re just flowers. They’ll just die and grow back next year.

No thanks to you.   







As difficult as it is to pick the best time of the year to visit Central Park, it’s hard not to argue with anyone who picks Spring.

Spring is a beautiful time in Central Park; the snow and ice has melted, the waters of the Pond and Lake return to a crystal clear blue, and the trees and flowers literally explode in a gorgeous celebration of color!

How does Central Park manage to display all of this beauty year in and year out? Well it has a little something to do with the powers of Mother Nature, and a lot of help from the hard working men and women of the Central Park Foliage Brigade.

Every year while New Yorkers are huddled in their apartments hiding from the winter chill, the CPFB is hard at work in preparing for Spring. Day and night for months these skilled artists fold millions of tiny flowers (each slightly different from the other)  from discarded phone books and Chinese takeout menus. These flowers are then painted by hand in an amazing variety of colors, perfectly mimicking the dozens of species of flora all over the park. Each flower is then glued in place using the strongest industrial adhesives available, insuring each delicate bloom will be around well into summer!

Special lawn and leaf painters using tiny paint brushes apply a fresh coat of green paint to each blade of grass in the meadow and every leaf in The Ramble. Painting tiny blades of grass by hand is tiresome work, (many lawn and leaf artists lose their sight and are prone to madness)  but it’s well worth it when you lay out on a freshly painted lawn on a warm spring day.

And the melodic songing of the birds? You can thank the Central Park Foliage Brigade’s Avain Division for that! Each year the CPFBAD raises thousands of songbirds in a private hatchery and trains each one to chirp in a pitch that stimulates the right and left hemispheres of your brain, making you a happy and productive member of society who is finally good at math!

So be sure head to the park this Spring and check out all the beautiful flora and fauna on display courtesy of the CPFB! And feel free to leave a small cash donation at any Central Park information kiosk, because the fine work of the CPFB costs millions of dollars and is bankrupting New York City!

Seriously, they’re going to close schools and firehouses.